Happy?
by Grimreapersgolour1
Summary: He couldn't look in the mirror without feeling worse, he wasn't truely happy. But he had found a solution. M for suicide and depression. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Undertale**

* * *

He has always hated himself.

He _wouldn't_ \- no- **couldn't** look in the mirror. each time he did... He felt more empty.

But that was okay! He had the perfect disguise- puns. Lots of them. A big 'ole fake smile.

Everybody thought he was fine- but- nobody would understand, nobody could see his pain. He looked happy.

 ** _But he wasn't_**

His tall brother never saw through his lies, he never noticed the fresh cuts or sometimes the rope lines- but Sans didn't care. In fact- it made him _happier_.

But was he truely happy? Could he even understand happiness? To him, it didn't matter, now did it? If it did, would he be like this? Would he be a pile of dust? Or would he be smiling sincerely with his brother while calibrating puzzles?

It was unknown.

New cut, new scar, another pinch of pain to show how empty he was. Five more? That wasn't enough. Soon his ribs were covered by little cuts that wouldn't matter to most monsters.

But for him? It did. He had 1 small pigment of health, those cuts could kill him- even if he was made only of bones.

Each ounce of pain ment something to the short skeleton, perhaps how he felt or for each of the puns he made in a certain place.

And Papyrus wondered why he slept in so long, he was regaining his health.

Whenever he'd kill you or Chara, he was committing suicide. He wanted to die! Just not... Not by his own hands. Why would he put up such a fight? To make it seem like he was trying, to make _him_ proud.

But... _He_ knew. _He_ always knew, after all, he was scattered across time and space...

After they got to the surface, Sans hid in his room more often- he wouldn't leave! Or so they thought... At one point since not leaving the room, Undyne knocked down the door.

it was almost bare. Not was laid in it exept for a box full of mysteries notes, a bed(with a jacket on top), and a desk. Alphys tried to translate the notes but- they were to complicated, Papyrus begged them to leave until he noticed the jacket.

The jacket was covered in a silver dust, it was nowhere else, just on the jacket. Sans favorite jacket, he never took it off. They searched the pockets and found what seemed to be translations of the notes, a code for them.

The notes talked about timelines and anomilies, their were apparent rips of folds in the time's code. Time seemed to be fading.

Eventually they found another note and what had happened hit them. **_Hard_**. They cried as they read his note over and over.

They couldn't believe it. He had... He was... It was...

 _ **His suicide.**_

* * *

 **Sans is my favorite character in Undertale- why have I done this!? *weeps in emo corner***


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, what's up?

If you are reading this, I suppose I'm dead and you got either Undyne or Greater Dog to knock down my door. I don't know who is reading this but (a couple of smudges, he had erased here) I guess you can know my secrets.

Im so tired... I know waking up every night becuase of a nightmare isn't a good way to get rest, but I do it anyways. Paps doesn't know. Sometimes I wish he does.

I remeber the day I was introduced to Papyrus, he was a wiggly, squirming, squealing, and cooing baby bones. He was so cute, we had an awkward bond immediately. Tried to pull out my teeth when I made a pun, he knew what he wanted from the start- no puns. I said them anyways.

You know, people wonder why I'm so lazy... It really isn't anything that big, I just happened to be one of the only five who remembered W.D. Gaster, our dad and formal Royal Scientist. I used to work for him, he was so smart- I could never catch up with that.

Then one day... We were working on our time machine, to do that, we had to know lots about time and how it was working, I guess you already know about the notes? Well, if you didn't, you do now. It's in the box, the translations are in my other pocket.

(A few more smudges) Anyways, we were working on the time machine so, we tested it. We sent an apple a few minutes ahead in time, scared Papyrus out of his skin. He ran in claiming that it was raining apples, he was flustered too. It was amazing. Then we calmed him and sent him out- "You shouldn't be in a lab with out a lab coat" "BUT!" "Just go get one, let's be safe."- he really didn't want to leave.

The machine malfunctioned when he left, like, riiiiiiight after he closed the door. Gaster decided to try and fix the machine, I warned him. I really did. (a smudge made by light blue water- he cried) The machine decided to take him and cut him down into small, itty bitty pieces and spread him across time and space. I bet he's watching me write this, he's watching everything. I miss him, but I know he's there. I miss my dad. *more tear stains*

I hate myself, I really do. I hate that I couldn't have made him stop. I hate the fact that there is a such thing as RESETs and SAVEs. I hate that I remeber each and every single one.

Whoever you are, enjoy life. It could restart any moment from now, Frisk could RESET easily. You will go through with reading this again, it might be becuase of a LOAD or RESET, I wouldn't know, I'm dead. I am dust. You know, I wonder if all of my dust is on my jacket, I really hope so. I also hope it stayed- like Papyrus' scarf did, Undynes eye patch, and so many other monster's stuff.

So, I'm dead, right? I hope I am happy now, I really do.

Well, don't expect much, after all, it was suicide.

\- Sans


End file.
